my world is sufficiently rocked.

after thirteen years without a word exchanged, mike and i are talking again.

yes, that mike.

and it’s as if the world is turned upside down for me.  i’m still me, he’s still him, but we’re the grown-up versions – yet it doesn’t feel like that at all.  it’s like a time warp.  the things that were not good are better – so much better than i ever imagined they could be for him.  he’s like, this amazing grown-up version of the person i used to know, and used to love.

and i don’t know what any of this means.

thirteen fucking years.  we were children.  so how could there even be anything there now?  thirteen years ago i was a black-haired wannabe wild child with an attitude about everything and a fuckload of resentment for things i couldn’t name. i laugh at the me i was then.   so why does it feel like coming home to talk to the yin to my yang during those times, when i am not the yang i once thought i was?

i feel drunk, but have not had a drop to drink.    eeeeeek.

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big tree is actively recruiting HS age kids to check out our content and offer feedback.  they have the opportunity to earn free online courses and gift cards just for offering opinions, so please forward the hell out of this link:

www.bigtreelearning.com

they can list ‘linda’ under how they heard about BTL and i’ll get mad respect.   much obliged!

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five mostly unrelated thoughts:

1.  david beckham is just too ridiculously good looking.  i mean really.  i flush just looking at himsometimes.

2.  i tried to cook plantains this evening with dinner and it was a total failure.  i created tasteless, crispy chips with none of the sweet and salty goodness i associate with the tostones i’ve eaten at myriad south american restaurants. what went wrong?  maybe they weren’t ripe enough.  i was saddened, having high hopes that they would be a fruit/veggie that Z and T might actually willingly consume.  

3.  one more teacher workday and the academic year begins.  in my new role as program coordinator at my new school, i am in charge of one full-time and one part-time assistant.  that’s a weird new change for me and has underlined my extreme discomfort in delegation.  i really prefer to do things myself, and i need to get over that.  i’m afraid it’s not because of some virtue in which i want to serve others, but because i am a control freak and want to reap heaps of praise when things go well.

4.  i have mixed emotions about john mayer.  there’s little to argue with in terms of his guitar-playing ability – it’s pretty fucking amazing, although sadly not showcased in the majority of his pop-heavy tunes. he’s pretty funny and well-spoken and well-written and self-depreciating, all of which i dig on.  but the bland tapioca of his music sends me a-snoozing, and i took affront somehow in a faculty meeting friday when my extremely well-intentioned new principal used his song ‘no such thing‘ as a springboard into an inservice on school discipline.  in reflection, now, i’m not actually sure what the parallel there was.  i was perhaps too busy having my hackles up being forced to listen to the song looped before the meeting began, then instructed to listen to it again with a copy of the lyrics in my hand.  it’s not horrible, but it’s not exactly the type of music i’d draw upon for inspiration and deep though, you know?  maybe i’m just still a judgmental music snot, circa my days at wcwm.  but how can that be?  i have new kids on the block on my iPod.

5.  scrunchies are still very popular in gymnastics, i observe.  why?

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it was quite an awakening to return to school tonight for our first in a series of open house nights. not necessarily a rude awakening, but definitely an awakening. i’ve got to flip the switch to turn back into an elementary school teacher and even after two years that still feels a little weird.

there is a distinct difference between primary and secondary school teachers. there is a significant percentage of apple- motif, denim-romper and seasonal-sweater aficionados in the elementary arena, and high school teachers are more foul-mouthed, sarcastic, crude, and funny – in the best possible ways. working with colleagues like this at BTL this summer i realize that i really miss that atmosphere. most elementary school teachers almost seem a little too good somehow. good is great but i’m no fucking pollyanna, you know?

but i so love the little-littles. tonight was the open house for pre-K, K, and 1st grade, and there was so much excitement, so many wide eyes, and some tears. it all manages to make my heart get all mushy. when i can hold the hand of a sobbing 5 year old and reassure him that a test ride on the big yellow bus is not scary and actually could be a lot of fun, and he squirrels his grubby little hand into mine with complete trust and faith that i am telling the truth – damn, it’s nothing short of amazing.

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a bad way to start the week.

for the moment, an unsubstantiated rumor:

cris bruce died from heart failure sometime on saturday.

again: i do not know for certain this is true — it came to me from a phone call from ben who had gotten a text message from his sister. this could be a complete fabrication. i don’t want to spread rumors, but i also believe this is legit, even for the shady friend-of-a-friend thing going on.

i’m not ready to talk about cris more than this, i’ll leave it at this:
we went to high school together and, like everyone that i knew who knew him, my relationship seemed more complicated under the surface than the interactions we had over the years. i haven’t heard from him in at least a year now, maybe longer.

i sincerely hope this rumor is untrue. he is young; im not sure he has hit 30 yet. if it is true, my heart goes out to his family.

if you have any news, one way or another about this, please let me know.

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I stood in the rain last night.

A cold front pushed through our area last night just after dinner, bringing with it gusty winds and big, fat rain drops. I just had to stick my head out the door to feel the wind, the wonderful wind on my face. Being inside is just too far from this all too short season. And the wind felt like cool spring.

Once my head was out the door, it was impossible for the rest of me not to yearn for the same. So, I hopped outside for a brief moment, stood in the thick, cold rain and felt exhilarated by the rush of life. I wonder if that’s how plants feel when the rain comes. Each dashing droplet that struck my skin (and here I’ll note that at times there are incredible but rare advantages to having a completely shaved head) was like a joyous bolt of electricity, recharging my batteries. 

I can’t recall doing this since I was in high school. There, in deeply rural Hanover County, we’d sit on the long porch and watch the spring storms wet the earth. One day I just stood up, walked down the steps and into the rain. No where to go, no car to hurry from or to, nothing to keep dry. Nothing to do but stand there and experience how amazing rain can feel.

Last night, I only jumped out there for two moments, but it was enough. It was rejuvenating. Almost literally.

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I wasn’t going to post on this, mainly because every nerd in the universe already has a blog post up about it (and then a few more and more). Hell, my mom told me on the phone the other night. And nothing against my mom, but when she’s delivering me nerd news, it isn’t exactly breaking anymore. (On top of emails from various friends, spreading the news like nerdcore had lost one of the rulers of the 7 Kingdoms of Nerdonia*.)

But, like everyone else, I spent a good amount of high school playing d&d. And it delighted me when he was on Futurama years ago. The man influenced my life, indirectly and in a positive manner. I am grateful for his work. But the following cartoon is why I am making this post — I think it’s pretty awesome.

And really, this cartoon says it better than I ever could (avoiding the obvious 1d20 jokes):

* I believe a history and details of the 7 Kingdoms of Nerdonia will be forthcoming.

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