Ready? Name your top 5 bars. I don’t care where they are, when they were, how many times you went of anything like that.

Mine are:

1. Jumbo’s (Los Angeles, CA)
2. Ugly’s (Mountain View, CA)
3. Bogart’s (Richmond, VA)
4. Avalon (Richmond, VA)
5. Mervyn’s (Mountain View, CA)

What are yours? (And yes, of course order matters.)

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From a reddit thread:

• If you watch the movie ‘Jaws’ backwards, it’s a movie about a shark that keeps throwing up people until they have to open a beach. (also, short video almost proving the point)
• If you watch Jeopardy! backwards, it’s a show about rich people paying money for answers to stupid questions.
• Beverly Hillbillies backwards: Rich family loses everything, goes to live in a shack in the hills and ends up chasing a oily creature back into the ground with his shotgun.
• If you watch Heroes backwards you realise that it’s been getting progressively better over time.
• If you watch Rambo backwards, it’s Sylvester Stallone healing people with his magical bullet vacuum.
• If you watch Scarface backwards, it’s about a man who gives up cocaine and crime to follow his dream of becoming a dishwasher to earn enough money so he can visit Cuba.
• If you watch Fight Club backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a crazy streetperson into a successful productive member of society.
• If you watch American History X backwards, you see Ed Norton turn from a successful productive member of society into a crazy streetperson.
• If you watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy backwards, it’s a saga about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the films walking home.

Update: it’s going around this morning. Via Waxy, here is the same thing for videogames, plus a mention for Superman: A guy who flies around, putting people into precarious situations, then hiding.

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This is a fun game that John and I played a few weeks ago: movies that start right where the one before it ends. Here are the movies we found (with no small amount of help from this discussion post):

• Back to the Future / Back to the Future II / Back to the Future III
• Karate Kid / Karate Kid II
• Halloween / Halloween II
• Halloween IV / Halloween V
• Friday the 13th III / Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
• Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle / Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
• Mortal Kombat / Mortal Kombat Annihilation
• Planet of the Apes / Beneath the Planet of the Apes
• Frankenstein / Bride of Frankenstein
• Saw / Saw II / Saw III / Saw IV

I know there are more, I know it. What did I forget?

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1) “tropic thunder” was not very funny. this disappoints me greatly.

2) my summer vacation is over. this saddens me greatly, as i did not feel as though there was a lot of vacationing during said time.

3) i am always suspicious of that particular breed of males who sang in a capella groups in college. creepy.

4). when my birthday rolls around next month, please, remember this cake:

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Goodness, a bunch of things on my mind. I’ve had tabs and tabs in my browser open for days and days, waiting to post. When it rains, it pours. Let’s start:

• Saw The Host and Talk To Me. c and a-, respectively. Really, really enjoyed Talk To Me, though I found some of it a bit odd structurally.
• I’m enjoying American Gladiators still, which is something I shouldn’t be admitting publicly. But it has filled that gap in my life where, once a week, I like to have a couple of drinks and yell horrible things at the TV. Kid Nation was also primo for this and, surprisingly, AG has filled that gap nicely. Although, some people believe the old version of the show was better.
• There is someone who is watching all the Criterion movies and blogging about each one. It’s interesting and many of the reviews are quite fun to read. But oh, how I was delighted when I cam across Armageddon. Seriously, I always forget this and The Rock somehow snuck through. Oh, and at the bottom of his review for Rushmore (which Roxy has never seen!) is a nice in-joke about Armageddon as well. Highlights from this review:
  

  • There’s an entire commentary track with the “science advisors,” a NASA employee and a former astronaut, who tried to make the movie as scientifically accurate as possible. Listening to these guys talk about their constant battles to get Michael Bay and company to make the film at all relate to the world of science (for example, when Mir explodes, it explodes, like it’s in an atmosphere) is a case study in cognitive dissonance.
  • The Armadillo, the drill car they drive around on the asteroid, has a chin mounted chain gun. You might wonder when NASA started putting weapons on their vehicles, or what they were expecting to shoot at on an asteroid, or even how they expected bullets to fire in a vacuum. But in fact, this wasn’t NASA’s decision so much as Mattel’s; there was a toy version of this car, and toys with guns sell better. I’m not kidding; plot points were decided on by the toy company.

• Cola increases the odds of kidney issues/problems hugely. Though I don’t drink much cola, so that ain’t my issue. But seriously, time to give this shit up. Tea, coffee, water, maybe juice and milk. That’s all you’re allowed to drink.
• Finally, Hank, I expect a full review of: Strawberry Cheetos, salad flavored water and cucumber pepsi. And if you can pick up a few of those masturbation cans*, that would be cool. Oh and I won’t be sad if you can find a similar haircuttery to this:

  [via: the consumerist, fimoculous and joey devilla]

• Finally, and perhaps most exciting, a new Gnarls Barkley track has been spotted. Released. Leaked. Anyway, it’s call Run and now you need to go grab it.

Seriously, this is from the FAQ:
“7. Is it safe to drink the lotion inside the cup?”
Who are these people who think its ok (or a good idea) to drink the lotion that comes inside a sex toy?

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so i don’t usually do this, but then, i never get these from anywhere other than petunia. so i’ll indulge.

april tagged me with a ’say 7 secrets’ meme. now, as i said, i don’t usually do these things. but i believe april made 2 faulty assumptions here, one building on the other.

the first is that i would see that she had tagged. because other than mentioning it in her post, she didn’t give me a heads-up. fine, fine. though i have blogs by friends who i dont read regularly, so i dont think its clear-cut that i would see this.

but the second is the reason i might not have caught it. because april has not told me she is writing online again. i only found out i had been tagged when i noticed some traffic from her site and wondered what the hey was going on. nice one, april. you were in my feeds, but i had shifted folders around and hadn’t seen your latest wave of writing. oops.

but here we are, so let’s see what seven secrets i can whip out for you that aren’t totally obscene, freaky or depressing.

1. i have recently figured out that my job, and indeed, my life, requires a fair amount of control. by me. i think it has to do partly with being sick and lack of control that inflicted upon me.
2. i hate that the skin on my face is fucked up but am loathe to take too much medicine to try to help it. additionally, it got worse after being sick, for whatever reason. every doctor i have ever spoken to about it has refused to believe me that they are related.
3. i had a 20 second crush a few minutes ago as i got on the train. sadly, she sat elsewhere in the train and i will probably never see her again. especially since i’m riding a train that is an hour later than my usual one.
4. though i make myself sick with anxiety in trying to decide if roxy is the right girl for me, i’m also fairly positive i will marry her. though this just increases my anxiety because ‘what if she isn’t right for me…and i end up with her anyway?’ the logic is circular and like every other relationship i have ever been in, i commit myself so totally that i feel completely trapped before there is even any notion of a future.
5. i am listening to ‘no more tears’ by ozzy right now. and you know? it fucking rules. in fact, i’m going to have to listen to it a second time.
6. ok, that doesn’t count as 5, because it really isn’t a secret. and this doesn’t count as 6 either.
5. i am planning on a large amount of creative output in the next 6 to 8 months. writing, books, animation, drawings, videos and dvds are all on the plate. i’ll post as things firm up.
6. i’m terrified of rachael moving for grad school and having to make the decision to move with her or not. this is not so secretly referred to as ‘the talk we aren’t allowed to have yet.’ coupled with secret #4, i believe i have an unwise amount of anxiety about my relationship with her. this too only causes more anxiety.
7. i have, not so tastefully, suggested recently to roxy that we get a girlfriend. and explained the notion by saying it would be like ‘getting a dog that talks. and that we could dump.’ if you find this to be not so surprising, i would like to say i was at least 33% joking. this, again, may or may not be a secret. but it is somewhat horrible to be admitting publicly. so it stays.

i’m not as high strung as i sound by these; i actually just tried really hard to admit things i don’t usually admit. at least in writing, publicly.

plus, ive posted (and will post again tomorrow) so much silliness, i thought i would be serious again for a moment.

and now i think i get to tag 7 people with it.

petunia, aubrey, roxy, madame levy, kurt, lisa, ray and hima (8, because i think hima will rebel. but still, i want to see what she does.)

edit: well fuck. re-reading the meme rules, it’s facts, not secrets. so i just said a bunch of personal stuff for no real reason. well, secrets are more interesting than facts, so i’m changing the rules a bit. that’s right. secrets it is. if i’m going down, i’m taking you with me. die fish devil!*

* quote from ben in ‘mask of evil.’ it rolled off my tongue. or something.

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when did i turn this blog into silliness about sex, comics and depression? sometime in the last 24 hours.

it seems ray and i aren’t the only people thinking about 90s comics these days. i’ve seen several articles recently talking about them. then, just a bit ago, vulture pointed to a list of the worst 40 drawings by liefeld. and i loved it way too much not to share.

for those of you who don’t know liefeld’s style, check out this image:

and let me say that this image was #40 on the list. 39 more, after you marvel at this.

the goggles! they do nothing!

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