in brooklyn for spring break having major epiphanies. example: i love nyc more than any other place i have ever been, but i do not want to live here anymore. leaving brooklyn to move to be with todd in staunton always seemed like a slightly premature exodus from the city that never sleeps. pangs of city-sickness hit me over the last 2 1/2 years. but today walking around i suddenly realized that i don’t really want to pack up and move back, for all my love of this place and walking and stores and people and diversity that i wouldn’t trade my house and yard and job and friends to be back. it came as a quite relief to have this revelation, and to understand that i wasn’t being disloyal to new york in so much as loyal to my new home.

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just got this text from chrispy and figured i’d throw it up:

a bus on fire. i’m sure it’s even more insane in person. sadly i have no context for this.

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Because I do love to post the awesome craigslist ads, here is another one in the series for your enjoyment (parts 1, 2 and 3):

KERMIT SEEKS PIGGY

(via mightygodking)

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this time tomorrow, i’ll be back in ny. happy sigh. but in the vein of carrie bradshaw, i can’t help but wonder… how is it that i pine so for a place where i was never really happy? BK is the new mr. big.

ps – rent “into the wild.”  like, now.

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i’m really fascinated in watching the progress of this charter school in nyc. they have put together an amazing financial model in which starting teachers’ salary is $125,000 – about 2 1/2 times the national average. pretty incredible, and even more so when you investigate that they are managing this without any private funding and by cutting down on administrative positions and starting principals at salaries significantly less than teachers. the nyt has an interesting article. i’ll be anxious to see how this pans out.

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i’ve been silenced for a few days posting as i worked through the feelings i had about heath ledger’s death. tuesday, when it happened, i had what i felt like a really personal reaction. then i spent wednesday and thursday berating myself for that.

he was, of course, my favorite actor. my infatuation with him -and even his family- is long known. i can’t deny the countless times i walked gus past his house in brooklyn, hoping to catch a sight of him. it’s a little embarassing, yes.

i think that real-life connection -hi, i’m admiring what you guys are doing to your backyard, hannah just saw you at fairway again- is what knocked the wind out of me so badly.

we all gape at celebrity and as a society can’t seem to resist that car crash mentality of wanting to see what’s going on. it’s not something to be proud of, but i’d be a liar to deny i wasn’t a part of it.

i’m torn between not wanting to hear anything about this tragedy and letting it absolutely consume me in the quest to know everything. i wish i could turn that off, be a bigger and BETTER person.

my heart aches for his little girl, his family, michelle williams. but i have no idea of the life any of them, the true lives, that is. so it doesn’t even seem right – seems intrusive, presumptuous – to think that i do care. what right do i have?

this isn’t about me.

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was going to respond to tripps post on my last post, but i decided to just post again. i was thinking how difficult it is to 1. get up the courage to talk to a girl in the fist place. and then 2. talk to her while waiting for the train? for some reason, it just seems like an odd place to strike up a conversation, but maybe i’m just being way too dramatic. there is nothing wrong with being friendly. and if the girl isn’t interested in talking to you further, then just leave it at that. maybe the fact that the girl was reading a book is even reason to strike up a conversation. who knows what could happen.
in a related story, today on the way home im waiting for the train. the platform is crowded, its hot. i just left work, and i dont really want to talk to anyone, i just want to get into an air-conditioned train car and ride home. but this guy walks up and stands beside me. i am not wearing my ipod and not reading a book. he asks me about when the train comes and if all these people will fit in the train. so i give him a short answer, and i think to myself for a sec. ‘fuck man, another gay dude is hitting on me’ (because for some reason this week seems to be the gay dudes hit on bitzao week, and im getting quite tired of it.) but he seems harmless enough and he asks me another question about the train. and then i say to him ‘where are you from’. i learn that he is from portland, is married, has kids, and just went to the MOMA.
okay, so this gives me hope. but then there is the whole commuting thing. lets just say i do meet a girl on the subway and we hit it off. if we have the same commute every day, how much is that going to suck if things don’t work out.

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