Life: Father's Day … for sale?

Ah, I thought I smelled something opening up the ad circulars last weekend. It was desperation. Yep, according to this, Father’s Day is starting to rank up there with Mother’s Day and, can you believe it, Christmas on the ol’ retailers’ watchlist. And that’s fine and what not. Money makes the world go ‘round or something equally pithy.

But here’s the thing that gets me: what dad wants, according to marketing.

Apparently, you should buy dad a circular saw.

Which is wrong on two counts. First, a dad should already have a circular saw. It’s a rule of some sort. Step One: Plant your seed in a woman’s womb? Check. Step Two: Buy a circular saw. I don’t care if you live in a geothermally heated teepee, you’re going to need a circular saw at some point. Second, and more importantly, saying that what Dad wants for his special day is a power tool is like saying you should definitely get Mom a vacuum cleaner. And an apron.

Then, failing that, a Dad only wants to sit on his ass watching NASCAR or baseball on a giant screen TV.

So, you’ve got your dichotomy here. The gift of a power tool says, “Get off your lazy ass and get some work done around here” while the gift of a big-ass TV says “You’re a hopeless lost cause, you alchie SOB. Here, drink yerself to death.”

Yay Fatherhood.

Chrissakes, people. Dad teaches you how to throw a ball, ride a bike, throw a punch and cuss like a truck driver. That’s what dads are good at. It’s where we excel, those finer points of life. So don’t turn Father’s Day into some made-up retail shit day. Give him something real. A hug. A call. Baked goods. Ice cream. Some alone time with Mama…

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I guess the thing I really like about these days before Father’s Day is the age Reed’s at. He’s old enough to understand that a ‘special’ day is coming and is excited getting prepared for it. He’s been making little ‘secret’ drawings all week, and at various times will say something like “We’re doing [insert full description of thing here] but I can’t tell you about [insert full description of thing here] because it’s a surprise. For Father’s Day!” Which is just great and funny and beautiful. And doubly wonderful because it makes me laugh. It pulls me out of that getup-makebreakfast-gohere-dothis-makelunch-dolaundry-makedinner-dobaths rut I get into. THAT is the greatest gift.

I guess the thing I’m scared of is: that might change someday. That the constant consumerist drumbeat of our culture will one day ring in my children’s ears. Because, honestly, I’d take Reed’s drawing of him and I (with no arms, apparently) over a plasma TV any day.