i'm hard-pressed to convey how intense this week has been.  production in CA - i don't think i have ever worked so hard in my entire life.  but it was so fucking fun…  i'm sitting in my rapidly-emptying greenroom with that pit-in-my-stomach, end of summer-camp feeling.  i will exchange email addresses and promise to write and do so with fervor for a little while, until that newness wears off and this week will stand alone in my memory as one solitary time.  i didn't expect to feel melancholy at this point.

i surprised myself this week - proved to myself a lot about what i can accomplish when i bust my ass.  by october 1, there will be 17 professionally-shot and produced videos of me available on the internet, teaching the writing section of the SAT test.  i worked as the "talent" for silicon valley-funded start-up company, and had a camera crew following me around.  i shot footage on the street, and had onlookers applaud at the end of a take.  it's pretty cool to stand back and marvel that this is my life.

i've got 15 episode planners done, with just 2 to go.  i completely underestimated what an incredible amount of work this video gig was going to be.  i probably put, on average, about 4 hours into each episode planner, some of which still need powerpoints for my visual aides.  it's hard for me to be satisifed with the PPTs; i haven't made one in probably 5 years, having moved to the smartNotebook software designed for my smartBoard at school.  i'm such an overachiever that it slays me to simply have to accept the idea that i don't have the luxury of time to really make my visuals what i would like them to be.

i'd hoped to have finished all my outlines a week out from production to have seven days to practice, but my my flight leaves sunday and i'm so not there yet.  i'm rationalizing this, feeling unprepared in terms of practice, by trying to convincing myself that there's less chance of my sounding creepily rehearsed - they're all about natural, conversational style.

before sunday, i also have to do a bunch of appearance-oriented stuff (hair, nails*, etc), pack a million different outfits, finalize and pack a list of props, and maybe do some audio of my lessons so i can listen to them during my travel time.  and of course rather than doing any of this write now i am typing and waiting for the perfect time to shoot video of diesel sneaking up behind gus and air-humping him.  it's pretty god-damn funny, especially as D humps once every like 6 months and today he is ALL about it.

my gay dogs

*  one very nice part of all this pressure is that upon returning from my first trip to SF i firmly decided that raggedy ass chewed nails were one part of my appearance i could fix in 3 weeks.  so i bought yucky-tasting polish stuff and forced myself to be aware of when i bite, and -viola- decent-looking fingers.  at least i have that under control.

I've had all these tabs open for days and days. Training kept me too busy/tired to post. But here are some things to help make Tuesday morning more interesting:

• Five poetic phrases culled from Joe McConnell’s Bay Area radio traffic report, from 5ives. this is funny because we always hear the traffic report by Joe McConnell on the way to the CalTrain station every morning. Oh, NPR.
• how many sequels? Given my self-proclaimed expertise in bad horror, I did shockingly poorly on this. 4/10. ouch.
• A series of photos capturing, for the first time clearly, an egg ovulating. Did you think I wouldn't post this?
• A follow-up on the bees. Short answer? They are still disappearing. And no one knows why still. Terrifying.
• Finally, an interview with Douglas Hofstadter, after the publication of "I am a Strange Loop". He wrote GEB and edited The Mind's I, which might be one of the best books I have ever read. I've been cranking on it for a year, haven't finished and love it more than I can admit.

So I have been collecting these for the last week or so, waiting to find time to throw them all up in a batch. And the time seems to be now. I don't believe any of these are really NSFW, unless you're squeamish about sex and reading about it in the workplace. (And it should be obvious from my post which ones might not be for you.) But you've been warned.

• an article on sugar daddies on mother jones. This is probably the most interesting article, one that almost spurred a fight between Roxy and me. We took opposite sides on the very notion that it was/wasn't prostitution. And got heated enough that it had to be dropped. And sadly, hasn't been revisited. Also, alternet posted reader comments about it, though I found them less interesting.
• alternet also has an article about the 'great texas dildo war of 2008'. The title might be more humorous than the article, which turns out to be frighteningly stupid. I restate — the article is good, the fact that people are actually trying to outlaw dildos because they want to save unborn babies. Yeah. I don't get it either.
• And in a similar vein, the Mormons have some thoughts on how to "overcome masturbation." I did think this was a joke, with lines like: "If you are trying to overcome masturbation, be assured that it is possible (even though, like any habit, it may take some work)." and perhaps more fun:
  

  If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness. Don't suppose that two of you will quit together, you never will. You must get away from people of that kind.

  There are plenty more and it's well worth reading. Also, John, I hate to tell you but we can no longer be friends, because of all our tornado j-o-ing. I'm sorry, but we will never break the habit if we stay friends.

• A quick BBC article on gadgets, bedtimes and couples — outlining how we manage to stay up and create distance in our relationships because of stupid crap like email.
• And finally, in Montana, you can get married without actually being present. The comment I read about this said it would be perfect for Worlds of Warcreft. But why stop there — Second Life, IRC, Russian brides — the possibilities are endless. And maybe, just a little frightening.
• Okay, I lied, 4 more quickies: 1. a history of corsets, 2. a little bit on hermaphrodites, 3. a review of a book on modern American sexuality and finally, Melissa Gira's writings on Valleywag, detailing some of the sex trade here in Silicon Valley.

On Thursday, on my commute, I sat upstairs on the train. They are single seats, in a row along each side of the train. The middle space is somewhat open — there is a shelf there, but you can see across the aisle, as well as down to the seats below.

A cute girl was across the aisle from me, listening to an iPod and zoning out. About 3/4 of the way into the ride, the guy sitting 2 seas behind me asked for a pen. He was unshaven, in a grey cammo hoodie, low slung jeans and a baseball cap that said 420 on it. I loaned him a pen.

Minutes and minutes go by. I am about to ask for it back, as my stop is approaching, when he taps on my shoulder and returns it. He was two seats behind me, so he had to stand to do this. In the following motion, he leans across the aisle and offers the girl a note. She takes it, reads it and smiles. He sits down.

I watch her chuckle over it. I also know better than to ever try to pick up a woman on the train. I think it might be ok if you aren't really trying. But R has horror stories about men not leaving her alone and it seems to be par for the course. I don't want to be in that bucket.

But kudos to this guy for trying, even if it was a terrible attempt.

Because when she saw that they were getting off at the same stop, she cursed under her breath. And then walked very slowly to the door, trying to avoid him.

There is this major storm hitting the Bay area — it began yesterday a bit, is slamming us today with more rain to go until at least Monday. This is all fine — I love rain and storms.

But we are crossing over into something else here. The wind is the catch here, the detail to watch for. I'm on the train (doctor appointment this morning — wait til I post my sigmoid photos) and the clock at a station says 11.08am. I'm at Hayward Park. I caught the train in Palo Alto — I'm roughly halfway to the city now.

And every stop, the wind has picked up. I've watched decent sized drainage ditches flow muddy water faster and deeper than any creek or stream. I've seen lightpoles swaying in the insane wind. Branches are down and everyone is waiting for trees to start falling. The conductor just told some people to watch the trees as they waited under a shelter. When the train doors open, all I can hear is wind whipping through three, the trees bending at wrong angles.

It's a weird storm — it doesn't feel like much looking at here at a glance. But it feels more sinister in the back of my mind; if I glance away, it will attack. This might be the perfect weekend to stay bundled up inside.

like ray, i compose posts in my head all the time. i haven't yet found a system for documenting them easily, so most die on the vine. and these days, the time i actually find 'free' are times when i am drained or momentarily free. so let's see how i do with a dump of bits and pieces that have probably piled up:

1. the new underworld album, 'oblivion with bells.' i wasn't in love with it the first time i listened, but it has begun to grow on me some after 5 or 6 listens. i still think the first three tracks make an excellent 20 minutes-ish of listening; the jury is out a little more about the rest.

2. i've moved my ticket to la a bit, so that i can be there in time to attend a screening of cece's movie, 'i'll believe you.' cece and i grew up a couple doors apart from each other; she is out in la writing and acting. she is lead in this movie, shot in '03 and finally seeing a limited theatrical release this weekend.

3. we are moving offices at work tomorrow. this means that today is the last day i will be working in downtown sf proper. monday, i will be reporting at the new office, right by the giants ballpark. one day, i might even work up the energy to tell you what i do for a living these days. needless to say, it involves media and programming. a lot of both.

4. i just saw an owens and minor truck, parked on a road. i'm on the train, rolling up to the city. o&m was the first place i worked out of college, with matthew, on their internet/intranet sites. that's been about 10 years and feels like 4 lifetimes, so it always surprises me when little things like trucks pop up.

5. i took my mac mini in on halloween to get repaired. the consistent kernel panics had turned into the machine failing to boot. when the guy at the genius bar tried to turn it, it wouldn't do a thing. a pretend brick. so they took it to repair. "5 to 7 days." on day 7, i called apple. my motherboard had died. so they had ordered a new one to put in. guess what? that one was defective too. so they had to order another one. and that's why we are on day 9 of the repair.

even better, apple's site says 'repair in progress' and offers no more information. and when i called and got the above info, i was also told that there 'was no eta'. awesome. i look forward to the repair taking forever. i'm unsure at what point i can ask for compensation, nor am i sure what i can actually for. which means i can't really ask for anything. i have no desire to be the guy who tries to get a free copy of leopard or something. (like the guy next to me at the genius bar when i dropped the machine off.)

5. rachael is out of town now. i stayed up until 1 last night, playing videogames. and then screwed up the alarm clock. this i blame on the fact that she is the alarm clock setter of the two of us. i turned it on when i went to bed. sadly, we have 2 alarm clocks and i turned on the one we no longer use. so my alarm was set to go off at midnight, having never been changed from the last time the power went out. i woke up in time, mostly. still, i see another night of not moving from the tv in my immediate future. (for two reasons: 1. i have to wake up early for this flight to la and 2. nick never responded to my email about going to see dmitiri from paris tonight for 10 bucks.)

6. programming time.