Dear ESPN: Stop Sucking
ray
::07 oct 2008 :: 11:30pm
Dear ESPN,
I, like many of your viewers, am a guy. A guy without a ton of time and the presence of an actual life which precludes me from spending all weekend every weekend watching the games.
Listen up, because this is where you come in.
What used to be great about ESPN is that a person could watch it and actually get all the sports boiled down into an easily consumable hour (minus your complete and utter disregard for all non-ball sports, but I digress)(…)(…but just to regress for a moment: don't just cover cycling when somebody gets busted for doping, okay?). That was the deal we had. You showed all the important plays, sometimes even in slow-mo and from different angles, and I didn't have to sit through the tedium of actually watching what lately have been amounting to fairly shitty games all around.
Ah, but recently, recently you went and broke that contract. You sullied the bro code.
You went all 24-hour news cycle on us and started just using long shots of pretty talking heads blabbering about what they think and feel about some shit issue. I don't want to watch some pretty face talk about the ramifications of Plaxico Burress' decisions. Used to be, if somebody was going to droll on about an issue like that, you showed actual clips of the player in question playing, not Mr. or Ms. Pretty standing outside the stadium talking into the camera.
Because, honestly, that shit is bor-ing.
In summation: Less pretty; more sports. If I wanted pretty news, I'd watch all the hotties on CNBC tell me how my stock isn't worth a pair of socks from Walmart, 'kay?




plantains have to be very very ripe to turn from starchy to sweet and delish. don't give up!