I had a bunch of drinks on Tuesday night. 2 mixed drinks, 3 beers. Over 4 hours. This is not insane; it’s not some wild bender. More than I’ve had in a long time, but not some college binge. I had a dinner of sushi, an apple and some crap rice cakes. I watched Lost with friends.

I was never drunk. But when I woke up Wednesday morning, I had a hangover from the gods. It was because I didn’t drink any water. Doh. As I’ve gotten older, my body has changed and things like hydration matter. I’m just sometimes slow to realize that I’ve aged and changed.

And so began my morning. This was followed by a sausage and egg sandwich at Starbucks. Then I made my own egg sandwich at work.

At this point, I’m expecting the egg and sausage to work the miracle hangover cure business. No such luck. And I’m craving a hotdog. I walk to the grocery store, a few blocks away. And buy hotdogs and buns.

And I eat — ready? — 5 hotdogs by 1030 am.

5.

To be fair, I skipped lunch. And yes, that cured the headache. But what kind of monster am I?

Seriously, I’m fairly mortified at the entire episode. Note to self: drink buckets of water. All the time.

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Dear Apple,

My work computer changed recently, from an older MacBook to the new MacBook Pro machine. The one with the spiffy new black buttoned keyboard.

Right, the one where you changed the layout of the function keys across the top, so that volume controls no longer are on the left by the screen intensity, but are over on the right now, by the eject button. The same keyboard where you also removed the ‘enter’ key (though I might be the only person who used it). Oh and the same one where you got rid of the number keypad (though I’m not the guy who used that so I don’t really care).

But could you please please have a stern talking to with the person who laid out the USB ports on the side? Cause it sucks. There are 2 and they are next to each other. Right next to each other. So next to each other that I can’t use both at the same time with 90% of my USB items. I actually had to go to Fry’s and buy a USB extender cord. Which sucks and barely solves the problem because it is almost too wide itself.

I don’t mean to complain, but since I have this site here, I might as well. And if you are buying one of these machines, either get some sort of extender/hub or make sure you only own 1 USB device.

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Yes, I heard yesterday. Yes, it is annoying.

But everyone is going to forget in about 3 weeks. And they are idiots, Tripp isn’t a ‘real’ name, it’s a nickname. They might as well have named him Junior.

More surprising, other than their not understanding what the name actually means, is that 1. only 3 people have said anything so far and 2. that Bristol is a high school drop-out.

Update: 4 people. Chrispy points out that she named him after me, which is true. I got here first, bitches. Though seriously, I do expect someone much cooler than her to name her kid after me in the future. Still, you don’t get to pick who you inspire in life.

Further update Up to 7, though it died out by about 10am. I’m not complaining.

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Thanks to Eric’s comment about the mummy on the cover of GI Joe 49, I realized I had to spend 5 minutes saying a little something about Serpentor: he might just be the dumbest character ever. And, for me, was the moment GI Joe jumped the shark.

Firstly: Serpentor is a clone using the DNA of the greatest warriors in history. And he just happens to have a costume that looks like a giant cobra. This is stupid. Even my naive 10 year old self knew this was stupid.

Here is a guide: when you have badass ninjas like Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow (and even Firefly), why the hell would a kid want to play with this toy?

I knew that he was introduced during the GI Joe movie (though the Wiki page says it was a 5-part TV show); what I didn’t know was that this was the beginning of the second season of the show. That’s pretty soon to have run out of ideas and have to resort to such an absurd character.

I mean, really. Do me a favor and gaze upon Serpentor once more; he IS the Emperor of Cobra, afterall:

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Parenting is the unique opportunity to hear the stupid things you say come back at you out of much smaller mouths.

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For instance:
the person who is trying to set my old ripped up mattress on fire and wants to know to prevent the house from burning too?
or
the woman who is wondering about the glitch on her husband’s iphone where raunchy images randomly attach themselves to emails that were never sent even though they appear in the sent folder.

No?

Then how about the literal ‘Under the Bridge’ (not as good as the a-ha one, but better than the Tears for Fears):

Or an awesome Get Your War On cartoon:

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i have demured, time and time again, from entering political discussion and worn my “i don’t do politics” button of ignorance for quite awhile.  i get uncomfortable in this arena and more often than not would rather take a nail gun to my eye than act as audience to any wanna-be politico’s over-enthusiasitc, spit-filled rant on just about anything.

sarah palin has changed all of this.

no,   i don’t want to state the obvious about how we need change and how the past 8 years in the white house can euphemistically be called a clusterfuck.  i don’t even want to shout obama’s name from the rooftops or extol the virtues of the democratic party.

i just want to hate sarah palin.  and keep hating sarah palin.  and then hate sarah palin some more.

and it’s so god damn easy.

it’s laughable, really.  SHE’S laughable.  a total joke -as much so as george W- but she takes herself SO SERIOUSLY.  bush knows he’s a dummy – really, i think at this point he’s kind of in on that joke.  but palin, this trifling, ludicrous hockey mom on ‘roids, thinks she can BS her way through serious questions and has NO FUCKING IDEA what she’s talking about.  she’s not humble, she’s not deserving, she’s not educated about the things that comprise the current political landscape outside the state of alaska.

robert schlesinger gets it right about 98 times more eloquently than i do over at the US news & world report.

but therein is a victory.  did you catch that?  did you observe that odd little detail, that, i, me, petunia the adament political abstainer, am reading US news & world report’s website just to feed my cracked-out, pathological disdain and loathing for this horrific, poofy-up-do’ed, bespectacled day-to-night barbie wannabe CUNT?

sarah palin, you make me care.

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