On Monday, Reed got off the bus and told me he voted for president at school. About a thousand thoughts ran through my mind as I asked: “Oh, really?” then paused before asking, “And who did you vote for?” while not quite sure I could handle the answer I might get. You see, I haven’t really discussed the election a bunch with the kids because, well, they’re kids. Reed knows we go to vote and how it’s something important, but I’m not the parent who actively pushes a candidate or idea on a five-year-old.

In his best, clearly-enunciated child’s voice, he says, “Barack Obama.”

“Oh, yeah?” I ask with a smile. “Why’d you vote for him.”

“Because.” and then adding an explanation in case I didn’t already know: “He’s the best.”

Later on Tuesday evening, we were talking about voting again, where I mentioned that in a few years when he turns 18 he’ll get to vote to.

“But I already voted. Yesterday.”

Such was his earnestness, I didn’t dare disabuse him of the notion that Kindergardeners could vote in national elections. It was just to sweet an idea.

He’s really getting engaged with conversations now. Tonight, for instance, we were discussing something he’d written in school today. The sheet had a drawing of a mountain and the words “George Washington is on a mountain. He is dead. He is our first president.” Interestingly, this prompted a discussion that ranged from Washington to Mount Rushmore to the Revolutionary War, Constitutional Congress, the monarchy in England and then he asks “Not the emperor?” So I tried to explain the difference between a king and an emperor, and how we typically think of emperors as being in Japan or China, wherein he noted that the emperor’s birthday is next month. Looking at the calendar, I found he was spot on. Then we started talking about China, and how they don’t have an emperor anymore, and then what communism is, versus what a democracy is. 

Neat, huh?

Oh, and as we were reading his encyclopedia tonight going over land features (mountains, valleys and such), he noted he’d seen lots of signs for McCain - “Plain”. I can just imagine him wondering where the McCain plain is on his map.

Usually, I write a post encouraging everyone to vote. I've been pretty vehement about it in the past, talked about how it isn't just a right but rather a responsibility, a civic obligation. If you have decided for whom to vote, by all means make haste to your local voting station. But this year, seeing all the polls about 'undecided voters' and hearing their wishy-washy wails to reporters about how they just can't decide, I have this to say to any voter who is still undecided at this point in the game:

Stay the fuck home.

Seriously, if you can't divine some difference between these two guys, there's a fair likelihood you can't find both your shoes in the morning, so I'm not terribly concerned about you actually finding your polling place today. But if the the thought does cross your indecisive mind to get in the car and drive over to your polling place and then, with ballot in hand, finally make up your mind? Don't. This isn't the same thing as deciding between breakfast platters at Denny's. ("The Grand Slam, or the Continental? The Grand Slam … or the Continental? Hmm…")

You see, the rest of us out here have actually been listening over the past 22 months. We've taken the time to identify one or more issues that actually matter to us. We've 'decided'. Honestly, when the polls come back that 8% of the populace is undecided, it makes me worry that fully 8% of the population of the United States is, in fact, clinically retarded.

Dear John,
It's not me, it's you. I know that years and years ago there used to be an 'almost' thing between us. But that was a long time ago. I was a different person then, and so were you. Now, it's like I don't even know you anymore, like you're trying to be somebody you're not. I have to say, I don't really like the man you've become.

Look, I've heard it all before. You're "almost there." You're "gonna win this one." But I know the truth. You're almost out of money and time. Why else would you have waited so long to call? 

So please, stop calling me. It's been three times today already. You're waking up the kids. I've moved on with my life; you need to do the same. Besides, you've got whats-her-face now. She seems like just a six pack and a shotgun away from a party.

You've made your choices. Now I've made mine. And, no, I'm not waiting until Tuesday; I already did it. It's over, so stop calling me to talk about how your 'tax policy' would be so good for my 'bottom line'. I know your game, so try selling that one to the Alaskan. Maybe she'll even tell you to 'drill here, drill now." I sure won't.

-Ray

I saw this on the door to my local polling place today as I went in to cast a ballot in a primary.