'rezanator'

you think about girls. a lot. about making them perfect. clean. right. you want them to smell like baby powder. taste like jellybeans. you don't want them to pick their noses or have streaks in their cotton underwear. you want them to know the importance of keeping you at bay.

***
of keeping you at bay.
***
where did you go? when i needed you most you left me. i saw you. i saw you. you were there. around me. floating. maybe like an angel out of the corner of my eye. flirting, laughing, making a mockery out of me. of my emotions. and when id turn to face you, you were gone. disappeared. back into a crowd of people. the music, so loud. its the only thing i can do - you drove me to this. here. im all thats left. cant you see? i weep for us. i truly do. theres nothing left but pain in between us. but if that were really true why do i want you so badly? is it like junk? easier to just keep self-destructing rather than deal with withdrawal? why do you avoid me? i saw you there, at that party. you were there, weren't you? pushed around while 'earth wind and fire' played on the stereo. i want to scream. i dont know why i am frentic. frantic. with you new boyfriend. am i happy? and? i scream.