'oh yeah yeah'

i want to puke.
i found out about 2 hours ago that one of my friends in ca (communication arts, my program) was murdered 2 nights ago.
lia was cool. she was 30, had come back to school to finish after trying the first time for painting. she was engaged. i had 4 classes with her and this semester, she sat behind me in digital photography. id been to her place to study for art history. she invited me over for her halloween party. she hung out at the avalon a lot and on several occassions i bumped into her there.
we sat in class on tues and spoke of her wedding. of her relationship. of how i forgot her party. of how she couldnt find work on some of her zip disks. tom, who sits next to me, went outside to smoke with her. i followed. later, they went out again and he took photos of her to use in his photo collage.
less than 12 hours later, she was murdered in her sleep. by someone with a large gun, through the window of her bedroom.
i am almost dizzy. i dont have to deal with loss often. ive never had to deal with murder.
i cant fathom class now. i cant imagine going back in on tues.
i found the report online. its nudetripp today. whats most disgusting to me about that is how she is summed up as a number. and how often we do that. richmond used to be the murder capital of the south. all well and good until you know someone who has become a statistic. who means more than what number they are and where that falls in regards to last year. im nausous all over again.
i am still in shock. i cant fathom not ever seeing her again. of what prompted such a happening. im so confused. about it. about me.