i slept last night without any sleeping drugs for the first time in weeks. i slept on my side for a little while – a first in over two months. i only slept for four hours and then maybe another 2 after a long break of maybe an hour of and a half of lying there.

still nice to be home.

rereading my dictated posts (and even linda, carter and roxys), im not sure the full extent of my visit was outlined.

i wasnt aware i had been on so much morphine before surgery. (though i think i got confused – i think it was 4mg every six hours, not 6mg every 4.)

lets step through my experience, using the complications/pain as markers.

1.the c diff
i got admitted and while i knew i was sick, it was no biggie. til my stool samples showed a c diff infection. no more roomie, im on quarentine. then they say i dont have it. then they say i do. this entire time, i have iv fluids, iv steriods and am eating a ‘bland’ diet. the iv must be changed every 3 days and the amount of fluids i am getting means that my arms (after a week and a half of ivs) start ballooning up because its pumping faster then i can absorb it. the solution is a pict line – a painless tube stuck in a deeper vein in my arm – one that reaches 18 inches into me and sits right by my heart. less of a big deal then it sounds. it can stay in for up to a year. meanwhile, the c diff is killing me. im in more pain then ive ever known, all from cramps and running to the bathroom every 3 or 4 hours. at their worst, i was clutched over and crying. while passing tons of blood out of my system. the kicker? they cant increase my steriods because the medicine to fight c div works counter to steriods. it also takes ten days to work. so that comprised the first 12 days of my visit or so.

2. the kidney stone
the c diff finally cleared. i increased my meds in a last ditch effort to prevent surgery. the cyclosporine hit me like a truck. i was not a happy camper. but everyone said it had a 70% chance of working, with a 30% of putting the colitis in remission forever. it was worth trying. except it didnt work. and then the kidney stone hit at 2.30am on a wed night (i think). bend over in pain, a new kind of pain, i again learned what hurt. 14mg of morphine later (and 20 minutes) i was better. the kidney pain caused new worries, new tests and prob moved my surgery from fri to mon. another ct scan, xrays and test later, they decide i dont have crohns (which is the bigger disease and can cause kidney stones) and that we are still on the right track for beating it. my dr wants me to keep up the cyclosporine, everyone else begins rooting for surgery. i jump on the bandwagon. ive been in for about 3.5 weeks now. and then on mon, my 11am time gets bumped to like 5pm. i spend the day waiting. once in the or, i relax a little. once i get drugs, im really out of it. then im asleep.

3. waking up from surgery
ive got tubes all over my face. im on my back. im in a tremendous amount of pain. the nurse refuses to give me anything, saying to wants to make sure i can breathe. this too is a new type of pain as the drugs wear off. after 5 minutes of moaning, she takes the crap of my face and gives me 4mg of morphine. now, all of you keeping score should have learned by now that in this type of situation, 4mg isnt much. i whimper and cry over the next 30 minutes as she slowly gives me more painkillers. (actually, it could have been longer or shorter – i could only see the ceiling. and know that she was very very slow to move – in fact, she called the anatheilogist [i butchered that] there before giving me strong stuff. and she had to page him twice.) the surgeon later said he believed she under medicated me. no kidding. i dont rememeber tues after surgery (the next day) at all. i used a lot of drugs and remember someone washing my hair with no rinse stuff. i used my little pain button to send drugs into my system almost every ten minutes. wed i began to wake up. i got to see all the tubes in and out of me. (a catheder, a stint for each kidney – all up my peepee, two drainage tubes on my left side, filled to baby bottles of pink liquid, my bag, my pict line with its 2 tubes – one for iv nutrition, the other for pain/steriods/antibiotics/liquids and the iv line in my neck. 9 tubes.) i think on wed my kidneys acted up again, leading to them pulling out the stints. ‘oops, the right one was in too far. it poked your right kidney.’ ‘oops, that kidney might be bleeding.’ ‘oops, lets flush the catheder because your kidney pain might just be clotted blood in your tracts, backing all your urine up. ‘oops, it was. look, heres a ton of urine you couldnt get out cause of blood clots.’ actually, the dr that handled it was super cool. i was less impressed with the one who put the stints in during surgery (little tubes used to keep your kidney lines open – common with stones, so its easier to pass them). i started having indigestion with burps during the night. the pain drug started hurting to use. so they put…

4. the tube in my nose
for the 4th time, i discovered a new kind of pain. (i think the clots in the kidneys counted as 4 when i counted before but whatever.) this was a tube, a little smaller then a pea around. it bends, but, unlike a garden hose, cant be crushed. its tough. they put it up your nose. then they push it down your throat. to your stomach. then they pump. they do this because your intestines shut down from shock. everything backs up. the only way to deal really is to pump out the backup til your intestines come back on. this can be a day, this can be 2 weeks. its a waiting game. they try to put the tube in on thurs with no numbing agent. i freak. dry heave. think its the wrong pipe. cough and gag so hard my incision burns like fire and i think it is splitting open (it isnt. its located from my belly button to my peepee. but its clean and tiny. youd never see it in 6 months). we give up. on fri, the nurse comes back. its no longer an option. this time i get numbed. we get it almost in. she turns her back to get tape and my body pushes it back out. i was slightly drugged, i didnt do it on purpose. we go again. this time, i gag muchly. not when it goes in, but when it gets near my stomach. she tells me to puke if i need to. ever seen the exorcist? that was me. no, im not kidding. green bile comes out of me in a spray all over the towels in front of my while she pushes. the towels are soaked. she turns on the pump and 500 ml of green bile rushes out. over the next 4 days, the pump runs. the tube stays in. i walk around the floor, trying to get exercise. the tube stays taped to my face. i shower once, having to hold the tube into my nose with one hand, as the water and breathing makes it move. i cant ever get comfortable. finally they remove it on mon. i start eating the next day. on fri morning, i wake up at 4am, as usual. but im really hungry. and i want to go home. they keep me til sat morning just to be safe and now here i am at home, recovering for the next two weeks.

whew. still glossed over, but i was introduced to many new sensations, all bad. and that, my friends, was a tour of the calamaties of my visit. still to come: how i really passed my time there and photos of my colon from after the operation.

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