'i said im getting down'

boy. im killing everyone else on posting. course, maybe its because i have very little other to do.

i felt like poo last night when i went to bed. my front abd back hurt, the pills didnt really seem to work, i felt dehydrated and gross. but this morning i seem to be a little better. i think the key to my painkillers is actually an empty stomach, so im going to plan my meals a little differently. and maybe not eat so much all at once. (dinner was pasta alfredo, toast, a glass of water, a glass of gatorade, 2 pieces of cheesecake and a vanilla milkshake. no wonder my stomach hurt.) course my sister admitted she wanted me to gain at least 5 pounds before she leaves on sunday morning. so she has ulterior motives.

i cant really imagine still being about to get out and about. we are supposed to go to ameboa records tonight for a little while - snow patrol is playing for free and id like to spend the gift certificate my parents got me for my birthday. thats a step, but still. the idea of going to work in in a little over a week is daunting.

i dropped off the cds to leslie yesterday. (holy crap the bag is grossly gassy this morning.) she kept commenting on how much better i looked, which was relieving. it was a more casual convo this time; i think mainly due to the fact she didnt think i was dying this time.

she loaded me up with 3 bags of stuff she hadnt sold and didnt want to move. movies, books, computers games and wires. it both amused and excited me. pretty cool.

i promised pictures ofmy removed colon. i havent yet gotten professional diagnosis on these pictures, so right now i cant tell you anything about them. i do know that when they snipped the last vein and pulled it out, my vitals droped from high to normal (my heart rate went from like 110 to 70 in an instant). i know that everyone invlved (the surgeon, the medicine team, even my gi dr who wanted to keep treating me medicinally rather then through surgery) all said that i had absolutly made the correct decision to have it removed. i know that there are 3 linings to your colon. and that my colitis had eaten through 2 of the said layers. i know that if it had eaten through the third, i would have had a…shoot…i forget what they are called. but it would have created a hole in my bowel, i would have leaked fluids and crap into my body. and the surgeon gave that about a 30% fatality rate. i know that usually, they remove the colon, cut it open and look at the colitis. but with me, they could actually see the colitis without cutting the colon open.

so yeah, it was fucking serious kids. but im here and recovering and im not dead. unless this is all a dream.

im not going to post the pics directly here, because they are bloody and gross. do keep in mind that this is on a table, after the operation and the large intestine is dead. dead dead dead. which explains the terrible color. perhaps. more info on these pics once i know myself.

oh - weight update. i cant read scales apparantly. the tics on mine are 2 lb tics, not 1 lb tics. so at my least, i weighed 122, not 121. and right now i seem to be bouncing between 124 and 126, depending on: pajamas on or off, morning or night and bag empty or full. or all of the above. but at least i seem to be gaining. course, living on fatty foods should do that.

* * *

current weight in pajamas, empty bag: 129. werd.

also: cabin fever is a bad bad movie. bad.

also im pretty bored. movies, books and video games only go so far. hopefully a big box of comics i ordered will be here soon. thatll at least offer some change of pace. course, thats not really the type of distraction i would chose right now. ah well.

have a safe move/flight/etc leslie.