'just a matter of time'

emit. admit.

i wake up, staring like frankenstein, feeling like the monster. i can no longer express myself and it makes me wonder from time to time - why bother?

maybe im better with blinders, head down with nothing but the finish line in front of me. perhaps its a distraction to deal with other people. or perhaps its simply a waste of breath.

im not bitter. it isnt the drugs. i simply sit in meeting and talk and talk and get blank stares in return. i wonder if i am speaking another language, if its really worth it to deal with the frustration. what i want is not what you want. so it becomes even more frustrating.

people cant do what they say, they are simply too selfish. but that isnt fair either because we all are. selfish isnt defined by the ability to bow to someone else.

head swims and i take a big blink. its too early. my tongue is dry and my mouth is too small for it. i cant feel, i cant feel. the scar has grown and i cant hold my eyes open. raise. lower. like a theater curtain. for a infinite set of acts. like the actions of a crowd, of a riot.

of a riot. i. rio. t.