motherfuck. theres a ton to say and no good way to express any of it. it just makes me frustrated.
i cant post things fast enough. i feel helpless and clogged.
my asia stories will start going up on monday. im about a third of the way through writing about the trip already.
i lost a friend yesterday. it was a conscious decision, not on my part and in no way because of negative drama. but it is really frustrating. i dont like losing people and i dont like artificiality. and topped off with not wanting to lose friends, im most displeased with stupid situations i have no control over.
its just all the bits like this that seem to be stacking up and i have no control over any of them. im working what feels like a ton, esp once the commute is factored in. i havent seen kurt in over 24 hours, though since he was online today at work and his stuff had moved slightly in the den from the time i left this morning, i assume he is still amoung the living.
taking this job was the first of a long string of changes and im not sure im going to be pleased with how some of them turn out.
im 29. i dont understand why i feel like im in 9th grade still with some of this.
as my mother would have me do when i was very young — i need to go out back and break sticks.