a meme
tripp
::29 nov 2007 :: 08:37pm
so i don't usually do this, but then, i never get these from anywhere other than petunia. so i'll indulge.
april tagged me with a 'say 7 secrets' meme. now, as i said, i don't usually do these things. but i believe april made 2 faulty assumptions here, one building on the other.
the first is that i would see that she had tagged. because other than mentioning it in her post, she didn't give me a heads-up. fine, fine. though i have blogs by friends who i dont read regularly, so i dont think its clear-cut that i would see this.
but the second is the reason i might not have caught it. because april has not told me she is writing online again. i only found out i had been tagged when i noticed some traffic from her site and wondered what the hey was going on. nice one, april. you were in my feeds, but i had shifted folders around and hadn't seen your latest wave of writing. oops.
but here we are, so let's see what seven secrets i can whip out for you that aren't totally obscene, freaky or depressing.
1. i have recently figured out that my job, and indeed, my life, requires a fair amount of control. by me. i think it has to do partly with being sick and lack of control that inflicted upon me.
2. i hate that the skin on my face is fucked up but am loathe to take too much medicine to try to help it. additionally, it got worse after being sick, for whatever reason. every doctor i have ever spoken to about it has refused to believe me that they are related.
3. i had a 20 second crush a few minutes ago as i got on the train. sadly, she sat elsewhere in the train and i will probably never see her again. especially since i'm riding a train that is an hour later than my usual one.
4. though i make myself sick with anxiety in trying to decide if roxy is the right girl for me, i'm also fairly positive i will marry her. though this just increases my anxiety because 'what if she isn't right for me…and i end up with her anyway?' the logic is circular and like every other relationship i have ever been in, i commit myself so totally that i feel completely trapped before there is even any notion of a future.
5. i am listening to 'no more tears' by ozzy right now. and you know? it fucking rules. in fact, i'm going to have to listen to it a second time.
6. ok, that doesn't count as 5, because it really isn't a secret. and this doesn't count as 6 either.
5. i am planning on a large amount of creative output in the next 6 to 8 months. writing, books, animation, drawings, videos and dvds are all on the plate. i'll post as things firm up.
6. i'm terrified of rachael moving for grad school and having to make the decision to move with her or not. this is not so secretly referred to as 'the talk we aren't allowed to have yet.' coupled with secret #4, i believe i have an unwise amount of anxiety about my relationship with her. this too only causes more anxiety.
7. i have, not so tastefully, suggested recently to roxy that we get a girlfriend. and explained the notion by saying it would be like 'getting a dog that talks. and that we could dump.' if you find this to be not so surprising, i would like to say i was at least 33% joking. this, again, may or may not be a secret. but it is somewhat horrible to be admitting publicly. so it stays.
i'm not as high strung as i sound by these; i actually just tried really hard to admit things i don't usually admit. at least in writing, publicly.
plus, ive posted (and will post again tomorrow) so much silliness, i thought i would be serious again for a moment.
and now i think i get to tag 7 people with it.
petunia, aubrey, roxy, madame levy, kurt, lisa, ray and hima (8, because i think hima will rebel. but still, i want to see what she does.)
edit: well fuck. re-reading the meme rules, it's facts, not secrets. so i just said a bunch of personal stuff for no real reason. well, secrets are more interesting than facts, so i'm changing the rules a bit. that's right. secrets it is. if i'm going down, i'm taking you with me. die fish devil!*
* quote from ben in 'mask of evil.' it rolled off my tongue. or something.
Phew, I'm glad you didn't tell us anything we don't already know.
Here's another fact:
If my boyfriend ever asked me if we could get a pet girlfriend I'd probably punch him in the face. I've never punched anyone in the face, but I'd start there.
the end of one of those secrets is that i saw the woman again when i got off the train. not nearly as cute as the first time i saw her. so that ended that.
and thankfully, it turns out that rachael might be nicer than you are april. or, more probably, she has known me long enough to understand what and why i am actually trying to say.
I don't post secrets on my blog. Or even anything remotely personal.
Which I will claim is the reason why I cannot respond.
To the point, you have a greater probability of actually jo-ing into a tornado (see earlier posts) than of finding a better fit for you than Roxy. Seriously. Every guy gets that sweaty-palms, holy-shit, what-if-theres-a-rich-supermodel-around-the-next-corner moment. Accept the freak out. Then let it go and get on with your life. Realize that we fellas are hardwired by evolution to try to fuck far and wide, no matter the consequences. Which isn't healthy. So, when you're having that inner "should I, shouldn't I" debate, realize that your inner penis is saying, stupidly, "Hey, but I've got more humping to do!" Then tell him that married guys do statistically get laid more.
In the end, if you've found somebody you can love, who can love you, and you're both able to work around each other's damaged areas, you're terrifically lucky and fortunate. Don't fuck up a good thing.