For instance:
the person who is trying to set my old ripped up mattress on fire and wants to know to prevent the house from burning too?
or
the woman who is wondering about the glitch on her husband’s iphone where raunchy images randomly attach themselves to emails that were never sent even though they appear in the sent folder.

No?

Then how about the literal ‘Under the Bridge’ (not as good as the a-ha one, but better than the Tears for Fears):

Or an awesome Get Your War On cartoon:

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