OK, I couldn’t leave well enough alone.

In digging up the stuff from yesterday, I love the fact that Wikipedia cites “homoromance” as a theme for the Hardy Boy books in the main description.* (Emphasis mine; the other points are also pretty funny.)

Critics have offered many explanations for the characters’ longevity, suggesting variously that the Hardy Boys embody simple wish-fulfillment, American ideals of masculinity, American ideals of white masculinity, a paradoxically powerful but inept father, homoromance, and the possibility of the triumph of good over evil.

There were 190 books in the original series, but these all went through a bunch of revisions as they got updated over the years.

My favorite five:

1. While the Clock Ticket (number 11)
2. The Secret of the Old Mill (number 3)

OK, I couldn’t come up with 5 that I actually recall. How about the top 10 stupidest titles instead? (These are all real titles.)

1. Warehouse Rumble
   This is how you convince me that the series isn’t homoerotic? All I can think of is the Pit Fighter videogame:
   
2. Panic on Gull Island
   Really? Gull Island? Panic? This sounds like the poor man’s version of “The Birds.” Of course, there is the very real chance that that’s exactly what it is.
3. Attack of the Video Villians
   “You know what kids today love? Video games!”
   “Great! I want the draft on my desk by Monday!”
4. Three-Ring Terror
   High school emo at its best. The Hardy Boys solve the case of the missing Trapper Keeper.
5. The Billion Dollar Ransom
   Really? A billion dollars? And the Hardy Boys are on the case? This all sounds entirely reasonable and realistic.
6. Rock n Roll Renegades
   Guest starring Rage Against the Machine. Because if there is one other thing kids love (you know, other than video games), it’s Rock n Roll.
7. Trouble In Warp Space
   This either takes place in an amusement park or on a space ship. Either way, it sounds like the recipe for some crappy fiction.
8. Farming Fear
   This one sounds so stupid I can’t even make a joke about it.
9. The Baseball Card Conspiracy
   Encyclopedia Brown called. He wants his mystery back.
10. Danger in the Fourth Dimension
    You know, as opposed to all the other Hardy Boys cases that didn’t involve the element of time.

* When I wrote for the Pillory in college, I wrote a whole faux Hardy Boys story that was nothing but a homoromance. I’ll post it soon.